Glad to Be Dad by Tim J. Myers

Author:Tim J. Myers
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: kids, fathers day, raising kids, father's day, children, parenting, fatherhood, how to be a dad, being a dad, raising children
Publisher: Familius
Published: 2012-07-07T06:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER TEN

Home Management: Some Do’s and Don’ts

“A real man will know that he has to overcome anything that gets in the way of him caring for his family…that he’s a better man with one arm than other men are with two.”

— Easy Rawlins, detective character created by Walter Mosley

“A house is not home unless it contains food and fire for the mind as well as the body.”

—Margaret Fuller

OKAY, PHILOSOPHIZING ABOUT CHILDREN IS IMPORTANT. But the most pressing concern for the inexperienced father is probably just how to deal with kids day to day—what the experts call animal husbandry. (There are surprising parallels, in fact, between parenting and zookeeping; in each case you must deal with the complex psycho-behavioral needs of the “residents” as well as with simpler things like feeding time and poop clean-up.)

So what about the practical stuff?

Well, there’s a lot of it, and not even a big thick book could cover it all. So I can only offer some principles and suggestions. (I’ve thrown in a few points about housekeeping too, for good measure.)

But let me make one little disclaimer. Yes, caring for children is a kind of science, comprised of learnable skills. But if you think your new expertise will bring a general orderliness to your family life, you, my deluded friend, are sadly mistaken. If a b-ball player hits 60 or 70% from the floor, he or she is doing great; if a parent can keep things running smoothly even 50% of the time, he or she is magnificent beyond words.

A handout I picked up at Shilly-Shally’s pre-school included a terrific little parenting idea. What do you do when you’re running late and your kid suddenly throws a fit, demanding your help with something? According to the expert from Cornell, “ . . . [T]ry writing a note to yourself and reading it aloud: ‘Tonight when we all get home, I will help you learn to tie your shoe.’”

Wow, I thought. Sweet move.

The opportunity to test this strategy soon presented itself. I’d just gotten home from teaching a three-hour class; it was 7 p.m. and I was famished. But Shilly-Shally wanted me to sit down on her pink hobby-horse blanket and help her dress her stuffed animals in shirts and socks. I tried to put her off, but that only brought howls of protest. The IOU trick! I exclaimed to myself. So I wrote it in big letters, read it out to her dramatically: RIGHT AFTER DINNER I WILL PLAY STUFFED ANIMALS WITH SHILLY-SHALLY. SIGNED: DAD.

She looked at me in surprise, cocking her head and narrowing her eyes. As she was taking it all in, I saw a certain thoughtfulness in her expression. She’s growing up! I told myself, smiling down at her.

“But, Dad . . . ” she said, her objection trailing off into, what? Patience? Maturity? A new sense of my needs?

“Yes, sweetheart?” I asked tenderly.

“NO-O-O-O-O!! I WANT MY DADDY TO PLAY STUFFED ANIMALS RIGHT NOW!!!! . . . ” The noises following this statement were too horrible to relate.

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